The Culture of Safety, part 1

Dateline: Portland, Oregon. Safety advocates (read: paranoid idiot parents) say playgrounds are unsafe. God forbid you should skin your knee and catch flesh eating bacteria, or tetanus. And for god’s sake don’t play games. Games lead to competition. Competition to argument, and argument to DEATH.
Tag can kill you...
Wow. You know, when I was a kid, I remember this time when me and my friend were roughousing in his house and I slipped on the tile floor. Fell back and slammed my skull into the corner of a coffee table. Boy howdy did I bleed that day. I had to walk home in the terrible outside world back to my house where my mommy wiped up my bloody head. Oh God, she didn’t use Bactine, I could have died. I don’t understand how I survived my childhood, guys.
Thank God we have such intelligent and concerned parents today. Really, it is much safer in front of the TV.